Mukasey Refuses To Commit.

Is "Waterboarding" torture? Mukasey won't say. The Democrats say waterboarding is torture. The Germans, the British, the Israelis, the Chinese, the Russians, say waterboarding is torture. The British say it doesn't work. The Russians say it's fun, but it really doesn't provide good information, because suspects tell the interrogators what they want to hear, to get it to stop.

But is Waterboarding Torture? Mukasey won't say.

This is an important question. Yet it's also important that Mukasey not answer. And here's why. Forget the question of a U. S. Attorney General appearing to allow torture. Gonzales crossed that bridge. He even tortured his own people - Gonzales tortured Republicans. With every appearance before the Senate grinning like an idiot with his hand in the cookie jar saying 'what cookies?' Gonzo Gonzales tortured the Republicans, and every conservative citizen who believes in the rule of law.

Like most lawyers, Mukasey loves the law. And like most men, Mukasey has issues with committment. Perhaps if asked by Larry Craig, or an attractive women, a Senator who looked like Scarlet Johanssen, or Marilyn Monroe, Mukasey would want to commit - at least for a while.

Maybe Dick Cheney, the President of the Senate, should ask the question. He and Judge Mukasey could talk about it while hunting.

Eureka - that's it - the prospect of a hunting trip with Dick "The Rifleman" Cheney explains why Mukasey won't answer the question. He's worried about being invited to hunt with Cheney. Or to visit Guantanamo to experience firsthand the pleasures of waterboarding.

I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby v. Paris Hilton

If you need a scorecard to tell them apart, here are the top 10 differences between I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby and Paris Hilton.

10. Hilton is a cute blond girl. Libby is a middle aged blond man only his mother thinks is cute.

9. “Scooter” Libby is named after a toy. Paris Hilton is named after a city.

8. Hilton, a socialite, is convicted of drunk driving and driving without a license. Libby, a lawyer, is convicted of obstruction of justice and perjury.

7. Everyone knows Hilton's first name. No one knows Libby's first name. This is because the Vice President recently had it classified "top secret."

6. An ex-boyfriend posted videos on the internet of Hilton having sex. Libby posted the name of a CIA Agent he screwed, but they did not have sex.

5. Hilton served a few days of her sentence and says she is sorry for what she did. Libby didn't serve any time and is sorry he got caught.

4. Libby is an unemployed ‘Chief of Staff’ whos former boss once shot a friend in the face. Hilton employs a ‘Chief of Staff’ but never shot any of her friends in the face.

3. Hilton’s actions – driving while intoxicated – jeopardized the lives of people in Southern California. Libby’s actions – identifying CIA agents and creating “evidence” to wage a war – endanger the national security of the United States.

2. Hilton is like the Princess Jasmine character from Disney’s 1992 animated feature, “Alladin.” Libby is like Iago, the parrot belonging to Jafar, the evil Grand Vizier.

1. Due to his conviction for Perjury and Obstruction of Justice, Unless pardoned, Libby will be prohibited from practicing law in the United States. Even tho convicted of drunk driving, Hilton can still become President of the United States.

Scooter Libby, Leaker or Hero? The People v The Media

by L. J. “Gonzo” Furman

Dateline: Washington, DC. It’s not Scooter Libby who should be on trial, it’s the media elite: The Washington Post, Meet the Press, The New York Times, Time Magazine.

According to “classified” and “top secret” documents that I believe may exist although I have no basis for these beliefs, the White House plan was to test the media. And, except for Saturday Night Live’s Weekend Update, and Comedy Central’s the Daily Show and the Colbert Report; the mainstream media failed the test. Weekend Update and The Daily Show stayed true to their mission: to criticize the White House at every turn. The Colbert Report, in allowing Stephen Colbert to say whatever popped into his mind, also passed the test. While they can no longer be considered “news media,” the Fox network and the New York Post fulfilled their role as cheerleaders for the White House. But the Washington Post, Meet the Press, the New York Times, and Time Magazine, which did not challenge the White House, failed in their mission.

Spokespeople for the media elite, in a news conference that “never happened” said “First of all we have to deliver shareholder value. Second, it’s a new world. There are many new outlets for the news, and we are making room for them, giving them a chance. There is this ‘Internet’ thing, and all those independent ‘bloggers.’ We want to help them by getting out of their way, and we did that by letting them run with this story.”

Spokespeople for Saturday Night Live, The Daily Show, and The Colbert Report said “Thanks. We thought we were making jokes. Does this mean we can get Press Badges? Can we get Pulitzers? And do we get free pizza and concert tickets?" Then they said "But seriously, we are entertainers. We don’t need concert tickets. We give concerts. You guys are journalists, investigative reporters. You’re supposed to investigate.”

The truth is that the White House operates on many levels. When he publicly expressed doubt that “we’ll find out who the leaker is” President Bush challenged the press to investigate. In revealing the identity of Valerie Plame as a covert agent for the CIA, the White House also acted on its plan to show that the CIA was ‘kinder and gentler.’ Plame is happily married to Joseph Wilson. She is therefore a housewife, sort of like the Angelina Jolie character in the film “Mr. and Mrs. Smith.” So in identifying Plame as an agent of the CIA the White House is showing the world the kind of people we have in the CIA. “Listen,” they are saying, “sometimes we apprehend bad people and bring them to places where tough people might ask them tough questions, but we are the good guys. We’re soccer moms. And by the way, we “apprehend” bad guys. We don’t “kidnap” people.”

Regarding the observation that identifying Plame as a CIA agent on “Non-Official Cover” put her life in danger, and also put anyone and everyone she ever worked with in danger, including “assets” in Europe and the Middle East, a spokesperson for the White House, in a telephone conversation that “never took place” said “life is dangerous. People get killed crossing the street. You better not print this. You know what I mean?”