The Monica Effect

Dateline August 8. The Ivory Towers of Academia. "Those who don't learn from history," it is said, "are doomed to repeat it." The tendency of history to repeat itself is well known, but not well understood. Considering the roles played by women named Monica in the Administrations of current and recent U. S. Presidents, specifically, the role that Monica Goodling played in the Bush Administration, the Justice Department, and the United States of America, and the role Monica Lewinsky played in the Clinton Administration, the White House, and the good ole USA, I have prepared a scorecard that compares the two Monicas; Goodling and Lewinsky. Dubbed "The Monica Effect," this phenomena, while perhaps trivial and admittedly hard to swallow, must be studied.

Monica Lewinsky: willing to do anything, Anything! for The President.
Monica Goodling: willing to do anything, Anything! for The President.

Monica Lewinsky: Bimbo, certified in many bars, worshipped The President. Still does.
Monica Goodling: Attorney, admitted to The Bar, worshipped The President. Still does.

Monica Lewinsky: Didn't know anything about the Constitution. Didn't need to.
Monica Goodling: Didn't know anything about the Constitution. Didn't want to. Altho she was an attorney.

Monica Lewinsky: wore a blue dress for a private meeting with the President in the White House.
Monica Goodling: wore a white dress for dinner with Karl Rove and a blue suit for public testimony with Congress in The House.

Monica Lewinsky: was there when The President violated his sacred vows of marriage.
Monica Goodling: was there when The President violated his sacred oath of office.

Monica Lewinsky: dismissed by The President before he got caught.
Monica Goodling: dismissed by The President after she got caught.

Monica Lewinsky: broke no law but violated the rules of decorum and good taste.
Monica Goodling: broke the law and violated the Constitution of United States.

Monica Lewinsky: stimulated the President's breaking the law by committing perjury.
Monica Goodling: allowed the President's appearing to obey the law by preserving his deniability.

Monica Lewinsky: not pardoned by The President because she committed no crimes.
Monica Goodling: in line to be pardoned by The President because she "may" have committed crimes.

Monica Lewinsky: helped George W. Bush get elected as he boasted of integrity during his campaign, and as Al Gore distanced himself from the President.

Monica Goodling: may help Barack Obama get elected as he campaigns on "Change We Can Believe In" and as McCain distances himself from the President.


* This is a work of satire. Obama is a Professor of Constitutional Law who has demonstrated organizational skills, management expertise, and good judgment. McCain is a career politician who claims to be an independent minded "maverick" but who has voted with the Administration 97% of the time. Who would make a better President? From whom would you buy a used car?

Dear Hillary, Thank You

You and Barack fought tough campaigns, grounded in reality and hard work. You and Barack received a tremendous number of votes - more votes in the Primaries than FDR received in the General Elections when he beat Herbert Hoover and Alf Landon in the landslides of 1932 and 1936 and more than John Kennedy received in the General Election when he beat Nixon in 1960.

Could you have won the nomination? Could you have won the White House? Yes, I am proud to say. It's not about gender and it’s not about skin color. It's as Martin Luther King dreamed - it's about ideas. And it's about us. All of us. Male, female, white, black, brown, red, yellow, and green - especially Green. Buddhist, Christian, Hindu, Jewish, Moslem, agnostic, and atheist; Native American, and immigrants; whether we came four years ago, or our forbears came 400 years ago, whether they sailed on the Mayflower, or they walked across a land bridge over what is today the Bering Sea.

Obama has won the delegates he needs to be the nominee and we, progressives, moderates, and conservatives, we the people, your supporters and Barack's, our children, and our parents; we need to help Barack win the White House. We must win. Whether by a slim majority like the 112,827 votes with which John Kennedy beat Nixon, or by a landslide like the 12 million votes and 42 states with which FDR clobbered Hoover in 1932. We must win. Not at any cost but because the cost is so high. We need to prevent McCain from serving "Bush's Third Term." Because McCain, like Bush, will serve the country to the special interests.

We must win the states you won - New York, New Jersey, California. We must win the states Barack won - Iowa, Illinois, and Hawaii. We must win the battlegrounds like Florida, Pennsylvania, and Ohio. We don't need to win all 50 states. But we need to win by a majority large enough so that the Republicans can't steal the election - again. We need to carry enough seats in the House and Senate so the Republicans can't stop the policy initiatives we must push thru to rebuild this country. And we must rebuild so we can compete today in the 21st Century.

We must rebuild the schools, roads, railroads and factories. We must redesign the education systems and business models. We must redesign and rebuild the safety net Roosevelt, Kennedy and Johnson worked so long and so hard to build; the safety net Hoover couldn't conceive; the safety net Bush, Cheney and McCain can't abide.

We need to win where there are people who go to college, people who went to college, and people who can't afford college; people with health insurance and those who can't afford it and thus who don't have access to health care - 1 out of 6 of us - and Earth to George W. Bush and John 'W' McCain - the emergency room is for emergencies; it is not for primary care. We need to win because people are struggling to pay their bills and have to choose between food, medication, fuel, and rent.

I would love to see you as the Vice President. And I would really love to see you in the Senate for the next twenty years - in the Senate giving the Republicans a measure of what they have given us. I would love to see Bill Clinton the Ambassador to the United Nations fighting for the New American Dream - fighting for all the children of this Bush-whacked world.

So, Hillary, lead your followers from this Bush-whacked country. Campaign for Barack and for America, and ask Bill and Chelsea to do the same. Then go back to the Senate and whip Joe Lieberman into line. And Arlen Specter, Orrin Hatch, John "W" McCain and all the rest. They are stupid, pompous and arrogant - like Santorum claiming to diagnose Terri Schiavo - over TV. And Larry Craig claiming 'I'm not gay (I just fool around with guys)'. Give no quarter. Destroy Norquist the Traitor - before he destroys the country. Put them into place - out of the closet and into retirement. And if they are so aghast at government spending take away their pensions. Filibuster them into submission. Torment the so-called moderate Republicans and the hard line "Republicanista" who put Party ahead of Country, who make policy via lobbyist, who rant and rave against drugs and homosexuality and then go buy drugs and solicit gay prostitutes, who savaged George H. W. Bush for daring to raise taxes to pay for government programs, who tried to destroy your husband, these ‘chicken-hawks’ who send young people to war then take away their veterans benefits and health care. They should be ashamed of themselves. But they have no shame. They have no honor. They have only greed and false pride and arrogance.

Dare to be great. With Honor.

Hillary contradicts herself, appears weak, indecisive, and secretive.

At the Democratic Party Debate, Tuesday, Oct. 30, Hillary Clinton, widely perceived by everybody but Democrats as the Democratic Party "front-runner" in the race to the race for the White House, seemed to stumble.

When asked about documenting undocumented aliens, Senator Clinton seemed to say she was for it, and then seemed to say she was against it, seemed to be contradicting herself. I use the precisely wishy-washy phrase "seemed to" because I'm not exactly sure what I heard and don't want to give the wrong impression.

However Joe Biden, Chris Dodd, John Edwards, Dennis Kucinich, Barak Obama, and Bill Richardson caught on. They are listed in alphabetical order of last names because I don't want to give the impression that I support any one candidate. I like them all. It's so hard to make up my mind. Any one could have catapulted her out of the race by saying

So you are saying: "'it depends on what the meaning of the word 'is' is."

When asked about communications between herself and Bill Clinton, when he was President, Hillary spoke about the "process." Bill Clinton has asked that the papers be kept secret until 2012.

I would think that Hillary would want to publish any papers that show her to be "Presidential." As a voter, I would like to see them. She should state, unequivocally, that letters such as "love letters," and anything personal should be kept private. But discussions involving national policy, such as health care, should be made public. After, isn't she touting her years in the White House as experience? What has she done?

And when asked about signing on, along with 75 other Senators, to the Bush Cheney drumbeat against Iran, Hillary said 'We have to use all diplomatic means. Just because we signed on to a non-binding resolution allowing George Bush to use means other than diplomatic doesn't mean we favor war or anything. We need to try diplomacy first. And Bush is on the wrong course.
We need to work with Republicans.

Yep, real Presidential.

Terrific!

African American and Hispanic Women turning to Romney, Thompson, and maybe Giuliani.

Washington, D. C. Mitt Romney is the favorite among African American and Hispanic women voters here in Washington and throughout the country, according to a poll released by 'Friends of Mitt Romney, 2008.'

The poll was conducted by former Congressman and Professor Newt Gingrich, currently consulting to the Romney Campaign. In response, the Thompson Campaign hired Mr. Gingrich to release a statement saying the same thing, but substitute the name "Fred Thompson" for the name "Mitt Romney."

Gingrich said, "Our research indicates that African American and Hispanic women are increasingly astute and sophisticated. They will not vote for Hillary Clinton, just because she's a woman, or Barak Obama, just because he's an African-American, or even John Edwards, just because like Clinton and Obama, he cares about women and children."

"And I am waiting to hear back from the Giuliani campaign," Gingrich said. "I was Talking to Rudy, but he put me on hold to talk to his wife," he explained. "A concession to Sept 11," Gingrich added, quickly.

The women surveyed favor Romney, or Thompson, and possibly Giuliani, because they believe that the best way to lead America is by eliminating the capital gains tax and other progressive taxes that effect the wealthiest Americans, and to send disadvantaged children to the Middle East to fight for oil, or to fight some other wars in other parts of the world.

The survey polled Condoleeza Rice and her maid, Juanita. The results are considered reliable. Responding to criticisms that the sample size was too small and the survey is not scientific, Gingrich, said "Look, we are moving to the future. we don't need science. Science is so 20th Century."

Flip Flopping Today

New York. Paul Simon was asked to release a new version of “Slip Sliding Away,” to be called “Flip Flopping Today.” The call came from the Giuliani Campaign, and came for the McCain Campaign. Or maybe it came for the Giuliani Campaign but came from the McCain Campaign. Or from the Romney Campaign for Giuliani and McCain. It is not, however, a dirty trick. Each candidate knows that the other guys lack credibility. But they want their party to win, so to be kinder, gentler, and compassionater, the new Republicanistas are trying to help each other. “Flip Flopping Today” applies equally to the three Republican runners up for 'Panderer-in-Chief' so whoever wins the GOP nomination next year will be able to use it.

And it’s official, the two wings of the GOP are the “We are Winning in Iraq, and We Will Continue to be Winning Until We Win, Even if it Takes 50 Years” wing,” and the “Faith Based; Believe in the God of Love and Peace and Be Ready to Kill Anyone Who Doesn’t” wing.

Republicanista strategists are also thinking of changing their name. They want to change it from ‘Grand Old Party,’ GOP, to “Grand Obtuse Old Party,” GOOP. It's a synonym for what they got us into in Iraq. But no one in the party leadership understands the meaning of obtuse. When critics say ‘You’re so obtuse.’ They smile, lean back, and say “Thanks.” Sometimes they say “Well, my daughter’s a lesbian. But she’s a good girl. Wants to be a good wife and mother. It’s those damn liberals. And no, there’s nothing wrong with your boy being a dancer. As long as he’s not a liberal. Look at George W. A cheerleader at Yale for Chris-sake. Maybe we could hook your boy up with my daughter.”

On Larry King Live, Giuliani said "I support a woman's right to choose but I am against abortion." Exactly what “woman’s right to choose” is he supporting? A woman’s right to choose her outfit? A woman's right to choose a bathing suit? Call me a misogynist, but while I support abortion rights, I believe that fat chicks over 55 should not be allowed to wear bikinis or thongs, and should be prohibited from topless beaches.

Giuliani also supports "protecting gays" but not domestic partnerships. Who is he protecting them from? Straight people with baseball bats? “Christians” who want to cure them with drugs and shock therapy? Or guys like Ted Haggard who say “I’m not gay, I just like to ‘study’ gay sex with prostitutes while I do drugs. So I know what I'm up against.” Haggard may not be gay any more, but he’s not gay any less. I agree with Rudy that gay people should have equal protection under the law. But I think that means marriage and domestic partnerships. Look at the bright side. If gay people can get married then they will be able to get divorced. If they get divorced at the same rate that straight people get divorced, then half of the gay marriages will be over almost as soon as they begin.

Giuliani supports gun control in cities like New York but not places like Texas. Doesn’t he know that as more Texans get guns, more Texans will kill each other with those guns? Or is that his point?

Romney used to be "Pro-Choice." Today he's "pro-choice" in the Blue states and "anti-women" in Dixie. McCain used to ride the "straight-talk" express. Now he panders to the Evangelicals. He was against the use of torture until Cheney invited him on a hunting trip. That Cheney can be mighty persuasive.

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Giuliani on Larry King Live: http://www.cnn.com/2007/POLITICS/02/14/giuliani.lkl/index.htm
Romney on abortion: Committed to safe legal abortion, except when running for office.
http://www.ontheissues.org/Governor/Mitt_Romney_Abortion.htm