The British Boycott of Israeli Universities – Not Working

The British Boycott of Israeli Universities – Not Working

The British Boycott of Israeli Universities has been in force now for several weeks. In that time a terror plot by Islamic Fundamentalists in England has failed, and the Moslems involved in the plot have been arrested.

However, the boycott of Israeli Universities is not having the desired effect of making the United Kingdom more secure.

Therefore, in the hope that shameless pandering will convince the Islamic Fundamentalist community that the British have no spine, a boycott of Jewish Religious Schools in America will be instituted. And, in addition to small bottles of shampoo less than three ounces in size, Jewish religious books of all sizes will be banned on commercial flights originating in Israel or America.

If this doesn’t work, Jewish Folk-Singers will be banned from the British Isles.

Neville Chamberlain would be proud.

I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby v. Paris Hilton

If you need a scorecard to tell them apart, here are the top 10 differences between I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby and Paris Hilton.

10. Hilton is a cute blond girl. Libby is a middle aged blond man only his mother thinks is cute.

9. “Scooter” Libby is named after a toy. Paris Hilton is named after a city.

8. Hilton, a socialite, is convicted of drunk driving and driving without a license. Libby, a lawyer, is convicted of obstruction of justice and perjury.

7. Everyone knows Hilton's first name. No one knows Libby's first name. This is because the Vice President recently had it classified "top secret."

6. An ex-boyfriend posted videos on the internet of Hilton having sex. Libby posted the name of a CIA Agent he screwed, but they did not have sex.

5. Hilton served a few days of her sentence and says she is sorry for what she did. Libby didn't serve any time and is sorry he got caught.

4. Libby is an unemployed ‘Chief of Staff’ whos former boss once shot a friend in the face. Hilton employs a ‘Chief of Staff’ but never shot any of her friends in the face.

3. Hilton’s actions – driving while intoxicated – jeopardized the lives of people in Southern California. Libby’s actions – identifying CIA agents and creating “evidence” to wage a war – endanger the national security of the United States.

2. Hilton is like the Princess Jasmine character from Disney’s 1992 animated feature, “Alladin.” Libby is like Iago, the parrot belonging to Jafar, the evil Grand Vizier.

1. Due to his conviction for Perjury and Obstruction of Justice, Unless pardoned, Libby will be prohibited from practicing law in the United States. Even tho convicted of drunk driving, Hilton can still become President of the United States.

The Real Reason for The War in Iraq

Dateline, the Meadowlands, New Jersey.

James Gandolfini, the actor formerly playing the role of Tony Soprano on the HBO Hit, “The Sopranos” has accepted a new role. Effective today he will reprise his role as Mr. Soprano, but as Spokesman for the White House.

While neither Karl Rove nor Vice President Cheney claim credit for the idea, it is hoped that it will bring bring any Republican legislators who disagree with the President back into the fold, and cause the Democrats to think twice before criticizing the President.

Mr Gandolfini, as Mr. Soprano, has announced the true nature of the mission in Iraq.

"Lots of talk was that we was looking for Weapons of Mass Destruction, the so-called 'WMD's'. There was also some talk about 'Bringing Democracy to Iraq,' the "Link" between Saddam and Bin Laden, and simply 'Oil.'. All this is garbage.'.

We know they had no WMD, and it's a good thing cause they might have used them on our troops.

We also know that there was no chance to bring democracy to Iraq, there was no link between Saddam and Bin Laden except that they hated each other. And we are on track to spend more money than the oil is worth.

”The real reason, and this has been recently de-classified, so I can tell you, is that we now have ‘evidence’ that Saddam was behind the disappearance of Jimmy Hoffa. He is also a suspect in the "drug overdose" of Jimi Hendrix in 1972. And we are investigating links between Saddam and Lee Harvey Oswald and the assassination of John Kennedy. This is all good hard evidence – we just finished cooking it up, so we know it’s good.

“Any Questions?

Flip Flopping Today

New York. Paul Simon was asked to release a new version of “Slip Sliding Away,” to be called “Flip Flopping Today.” The call came from the Giuliani Campaign, and came for the McCain Campaign. Or maybe it came for the Giuliani Campaign but came from the McCain Campaign. Or from the Romney Campaign for Giuliani and McCain. It is not, however, a dirty trick. Each candidate knows that the other guys lack credibility. But they want their party to win, so to be kinder, gentler, and compassionater, the new Republicanistas are trying to help each other. “Flip Flopping Today” applies equally to the three Republican runners up for 'Panderer-in-Chief' so whoever wins the GOP nomination next year will be able to use it.

And it’s official, the two wings of the GOP are the “We are Winning in Iraq, and We Will Continue to be Winning Until We Win, Even if it Takes 50 Years” wing,” and the “Faith Based; Believe in the God of Love and Peace and Be Ready to Kill Anyone Who Doesn’t” wing.

Republicanista strategists are also thinking of changing their name. They want to change it from ‘Grand Old Party,’ GOP, to “Grand Obtuse Old Party,” GOOP. It's a synonym for what they got us into in Iraq. But no one in the party leadership understands the meaning of obtuse. When critics say ‘You’re so obtuse.’ They smile, lean back, and say “Thanks.” Sometimes they say “Well, my daughter’s a lesbian. But she’s a good girl. Wants to be a good wife and mother. It’s those damn liberals. And no, there’s nothing wrong with your boy being a dancer. As long as he’s not a liberal. Look at George W. A cheerleader at Yale for Chris-sake. Maybe we could hook your boy up with my daughter.”

On Larry King Live, Giuliani said "I support a woman's right to choose but I am against abortion." Exactly what “woman’s right to choose” is he supporting? A woman’s right to choose her outfit? A woman's right to choose a bathing suit? Call me a misogynist, but while I support abortion rights, I believe that fat chicks over 55 should not be allowed to wear bikinis or thongs, and should be prohibited from topless beaches.

Giuliani also supports "protecting gays" but not domestic partnerships. Who is he protecting them from? Straight people with baseball bats? “Christians” who want to cure them with drugs and shock therapy? Or guys like Ted Haggard who say “I’m not gay, I just like to ‘study’ gay sex with prostitutes while I do drugs. So I know what I'm up against.” Haggard may not be gay any more, but he’s not gay any less. I agree with Rudy that gay people should have equal protection under the law. But I think that means marriage and domestic partnerships. Look at the bright side. If gay people can get married then they will be able to get divorced. If they get divorced at the same rate that straight people get divorced, then half of the gay marriages will be over almost as soon as they begin.

Giuliani supports gun control in cities like New York but not places like Texas. Doesn’t he know that as more Texans get guns, more Texans will kill each other with those guns? Or is that his point?

Romney used to be "Pro-Choice." Today he's "pro-choice" in the Blue states and "anti-women" in Dixie. McCain used to ride the "straight-talk" express. Now he panders to the Evangelicals. He was against the use of torture until Cheney invited him on a hunting trip. That Cheney can be mighty persuasive.

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Giuliani on Larry King Live: http://www.cnn.com/2007/POLITICS/02/14/giuliani.lkl/index.htm
Romney on abortion: Committed to safe legal abortion, except when running for office.
http://www.ontheissues.org/Governor/Mitt_Romney_Abortion.htm

Reagan's Legacy

In the “Good Old Days” Americans felt that we can do anything we put our minds to. The government, in Lincoln's immortal words, was "of the people, by the people, and for the people."

Invoked at Gettysburg to justify for the Civil War - so "this Government, of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from this earth" was the American ideal from FDR to Nixon; perhaps from Washington to Nixon.

We knew were the good guys. We won World War II, we defeated the Nazis, we were taking on the Soviets, and we knew we would win. When Kennedy said ‘Ich bin ein Berliner’ he knew, we all knew, that if Eastern Europe was ruled from Moscow, we were threatened. We wanted to make the world a better place.

We landed on the moon. Not once, but six times between Apollo 11 landing in the Sea of Tranquility, Mare Tranquillitatis, on July 20, 1969 when Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin and Neil Armstrong took that “One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind” and Apollo 17, in Taurus Tittrow, Dec. 11, 1972.[1]

But today our national ideal is the opposite. Today, rather than we can do anything, we believe that government is incapable of everything. Some people actually believe that NASA staged the moon landings. A Conservative pundit would say, “Brown was incompetent as the head of the Federal Emergency Management Agency. How can you expect otherwise? He’s a government employee. Ditto for Rumsfeld as the Secretary of Defense.
President Reagan said "the 10 most frightening words are 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'"[2] If you hold this view, how can you run an agency like FEMA? How can you expect any response to a Katrina-like event other than the actual response to Katrina? How can you run the Department of Homeland Security? Or the Department of Defense? Or the Executive Branch?
Rather than “Of the people, by the people, and for the people” our government has become “of the special interests, by the special interests, and for the special interests.”

This is the legacy of Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush.

Lenin would be pleased. Stalin would smile. And Putin is laughing.

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[1] NASA. www.spds.nasa.gov/planetary/lunar/apollo.html . See also Wikipedia, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_Apollo and other sites. For a good overview see the Universities Space Research Association, USRA. www.lpi.usra.edu/expmoon/apollo_landings.html For great images, and sound, www.panoramas.dk/moon/mission-apollo.html.

[2] March 22, 1988, Remarks to state and local Republican officials on Federalism and Aid to the Nicaraguan Democratic Resistance. http://www.reagan.utexas.edu/archives/speeches/1988/032288d.htm.)

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State of Duh Union

L. J. “Gonzo” Furman.

Washington. President Bush found his stride. He has a terrific career ahead of him on late night cable tv news, or Comedy Central. He may not have the physical presence of Will Ferrell, or the 'kick them when they're down', 'laughing at you not with you' sensibility of Steven Colbert or David Letterman, but his timing and deadpan style rivals Jon Stewart, Tina Fey, Jay Leno and the other great news anchors of late night television. His 'State of Duh Union' was brilliant. Bush, with his zany sidekicks, Dick ‘I-Shot-The-Lawyer’ Cheney and Karl ‘I-Don’t-Care-If-It’s-A-Felony, I’m-Not-Quitting’ Rove should star in 'The Compassionate Conservative' on cable with 'The Daily Show and 'The Colbert Report'.

With energy policy Bush started by playing it straight: 'Energy policy is a matter of national security.' Solar energy and wind power produce electricity without pollution, and at lower cost. But this is boring so Bush didn’t talk about this. He did say that we should double the amount of petroleum the government stores in reserve and drill for oil in the Arctic Refuge. Some say the petroleum reserves are a government handout to the oil industry. Because the government buys oil, and then locks it up never to use it, until an emergency. And in an emergency, we need more than we have in reserve, so the government buys more, usually at higher prices. Does this sound like a good deal for the taxpayers or a handout to the oil industry?

Now Bush wants to double the reserves, and drill for oil in the Arctic Refuge. We can combine these goals by using the Arctic Oil as the Reserves. Normally, to create the reserves we take oil out of the ground, ship it, refine it, spill some, then put it in tanks, never to use it.

So why not keep the oil up in the Artic Refuge for the reserves and just leave it in the ground, without the drilling, refining, spilling and storage steps. The government should just pay the oil companies to leave the oil in the ground. Of course the oil companies are supposed to be paying the government royalties on the oil they extract, but the accountants can sort out the details. The important thing is to have the oil in reserve and increase return on investment for the oil companies.

Then there’s health care. The President wants health insurance premiums to be tax deductible. So wealthy people who pay more for health care, because they can, can write off the cost of their insurance. This is fair to wealthy people. Poor people, who are poor because they have no money, don’t need to write off the cost of their health insurance premium. They don’t pay for health insurance. (They don’t have it, but that’s beside the point.) They don’t pay income tax. President Bush is only trying to give wealthy people the same advantages that poor people have.

The President also wants to tax health care benefits. This sounds great. If I am hospitalized, then I will pay income tax on the money the insurance company paid the doctors and the hospital. If I am making about $65,000 per year, and my wife has a baby, and the hospital charges about $35,000, then I'll be taxed as if I made $100,000. When my kid goes to the doctor I'll pay more taxes. Who needs a raise? I can just go to the doctor. Then when I feel like a million bucks the government will feel like I'm worth a million bucks too.

The President wants to reduce the number of uninsured by shifting federal money away from hospitals. I see how this will reduce the number of uninsured – they will die.

The President wants to let poor children transfer to private schools. Private schools charge tuition. I thought that poor children are poor because they have no money. I must be missing something.

Bush wants to give his plan for Iraq a chance. I admire that. When I want a game of chance I go to Atlantic City or Vegas. I lose, but what the hell. When Bush wants a game of chance he goes to war. That’s tough. And he calls himself a compassionate conservative.

Scooter Libby, Leaker or Hero? The People v The Media

by L. J. “Gonzo” Furman

Dateline: Washington, DC. It’s not Scooter Libby who should be on trial, it’s the media elite: The Washington Post, Meet the Press, The New York Times, Time Magazine.

According to “classified” and “top secret” documents that I believe may exist although I have no basis for these beliefs, the White House plan was to test the media. And, except for Saturday Night Live’s Weekend Update, and Comedy Central’s the Daily Show and the Colbert Report; the mainstream media failed the test. Weekend Update and The Daily Show stayed true to their mission: to criticize the White House at every turn. The Colbert Report, in allowing Stephen Colbert to say whatever popped into his mind, also passed the test. While they can no longer be considered “news media,” the Fox network and the New York Post fulfilled their role as cheerleaders for the White House. But the Washington Post, Meet the Press, the New York Times, and Time Magazine, which did not challenge the White House, failed in their mission.

Spokespeople for the media elite, in a news conference that “never happened” said “First of all we have to deliver shareholder value. Second, it’s a new world. There are many new outlets for the news, and we are making room for them, giving them a chance. There is this ‘Internet’ thing, and all those independent ‘bloggers.’ We want to help them by getting out of their way, and we did that by letting them run with this story.”

Spokespeople for Saturday Night Live, The Daily Show, and The Colbert Report said “Thanks. We thought we were making jokes. Does this mean we can get Press Badges? Can we get Pulitzers? And do we get free pizza and concert tickets?" Then they said "But seriously, we are entertainers. We don’t need concert tickets. We give concerts. You guys are journalists, investigative reporters. You’re supposed to investigate.”

The truth is that the White House operates on many levels. When he publicly expressed doubt that “we’ll find out who the leaker is” President Bush challenged the press to investigate. In revealing the identity of Valerie Plame as a covert agent for the CIA, the White House also acted on its plan to show that the CIA was ‘kinder and gentler.’ Plame is happily married to Joseph Wilson. She is therefore a housewife, sort of like the Angelina Jolie character in the film “Mr. and Mrs. Smith.” So in identifying Plame as an agent of the CIA the White House is showing the world the kind of people we have in the CIA. “Listen,” they are saying, “sometimes we apprehend bad people and bring them to places where tough people might ask them tough questions, but we are the good guys. We’re soccer moms. And by the way, we “apprehend” bad guys. We don’t “kidnap” people.”

Regarding the observation that identifying Plame as a CIA agent on “Non-Official Cover” put her life in danger, and also put anyone and everyone she ever worked with in danger, including “assets” in Europe and the Middle East, a spokesperson for the White House, in a telephone conversation that “never took place” said “life is dangerous. People get killed crossing the street. You better not print this. You know what I mean?”